How to Stop Feeling Out of Control Around Food

(and why it’s not a willpower problem) 

If you have ever found yourself thinking, “I just can’t be trusted around food” or “once I start eating, I can’t stop”, we want you to pause for a moment, and take a deep breath. You are not broken. You are not failing. And you are definitely not lacking willpower. 

At BBN we hear this all the time- especially in people who have spent years trying to follow the ‘rules’. Feeling out of control around food is not a personal flaw (and you are definitely not alone). The truth is:

• Feeling out of control around food is a learned response- not a character flaw 

• Food noise gets louder when your body does not feel safe 

• Healing is about building safety, not forcing control 

Let’s talk about what’s really going on, and why healing starts with understanding, not more rules.

Feeling out of control around food is a learned response- not a character flaw 

When access to food feels restricted, conditional, or unsafe, the brain and body adapts to increase preoccupation with food and urgency to eat. That can feel like loss of control, but it is actually protective biology (not a personal failing). Nutrition science shows us that people who engage in rigid food rules are more likely to 

• think about or desire food constantly

• Feel out of control around certain foods 

• Eat past the point of comfort (especially when those rules are broken) 

• Have ‘I don't know why I did that’ experiences  

In fact, neuroscience research shows that when food is restricted, 

• Dopamine response to food increases

• Highly palatable (ultra-processed) foods become more exciting

• The brain becomes hyper-focused on eating opportunities 

This is not a lack of willpower, it’s basic survival wiring. Over time your brain learned food was scarce or something to fear, so it turned up the volume on those food thoughts. Diet culture has told you restriction is the answer. Real evidence shows us the opposite. Restriction cranks up that food noise, leads to preoccupation, and increases risk for overeating. 

Food noise gets louder when your body does not feel safe 

When it comes to food, a sense of safety matters. Food noise often gets louder because your body doesn't feel consistently cared for or safe. Maybe a day looks like…

• Skipping meals (I’m looking at you coffee for breakfast)

• Uncertainty around portions

• Certain foods feel ‘off-limits’

• Any eating occasion = guilt or stress 

If you relate to that, there is a good chance your body is more worried about ‘we have to survive’ and not, ‘we get to thrive’. This can show up as 

• Constant food thoughts (what or when you will eat next) 

• Strong urges to eat even when you have eaten ‘enough’ 

• Feeling preoccupied with food, especially during extra stressful times 

This is not just about physical hunger. This is about how the body responds to underfueling, inconsistent fueling, under-resting, or persistent stress. Your body is turning up the food noise volume to protect you. This is why trying to ‘ignore’ food thoughts (or control them), rarely works long term. Food noise is not a discipline problem- it’s information from your body. Your body is asking for stability; regular nourishment, permission to eat + rest, and a little less pressure to always get eating ‘right’. When we reframe food noise as a signal to be received without judgement, we start on the road to ‘we get to thrive’. 

In 1:1 sessions at BBN, we help our clients make sense of the food noise, gently rebuild safety with food, and find that steadiness that helps us thrive- at a pace that feels supportive, not overwhelming. 

Healing is about building safety, not forcing control 

Diet culture has taught us that the solution to feeling out of control around food is to tighten the reins. But for many of us, that’s exactly what keeps this cycle going. At BBN we approach this differently. Rather than ‘how do I control this?’ we ask, ‘what does my body need in order to feel safe again?’

Safety with food is built through consistency, not perfection. This looks like, 

• Eating regularly 

• Allowing a wide variety of foods 

• Letting go of ‘food rules’ 

When the body feels safe, food often starts to feel less urgent. An important part to remember here is: healing isn’t linear. These thoughts may not disappear overnight, and that is not a failure! It's a process of responding with care rather than criticism, and choosing nourishment over punishment. 

Healing with food isn’t about becoming more disciplined- it's about rebuilding trust. Trust that builds when the body learns with certainty that it will be fed, respected, and supported. 

If there is one takeaway it’s this- feeling out of control around food is not a personal failure. Food noise, urgency, and preoccupation are signs that your body has been doing its best to protect you in a world of restriction, stress, and mixed messages. There is not something ‘wrong’ with you, your body has simply learned to adapt. When we truly believe that food is allowed, nourishment is reliable, and we do not have to punish ourselves for eating, things begin to change. Slowly, and that’s ok. 

Curiosity > criticism 

Care > control 

Patience > pressure 

and the BBN core value…

Progress > perfection. Every time.